Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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