You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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