My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
