can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
