running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
No more Irish car bombs ever.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
