I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
