I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
