I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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