I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
