We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
