I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just puked most of my soul out..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
