i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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