The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
