Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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