I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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