I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
