i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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