Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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