We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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