Life is so much better after having sex.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
