So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
