Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize