I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
