Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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