you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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