i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
