She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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