Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
