do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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