Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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