I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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