quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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