I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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