he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
