I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
