First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
