Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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