Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
