he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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