I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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