you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
