Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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