Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
