I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Houston, we have a squirter
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
