She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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