i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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