he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
