let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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