At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
