what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
