Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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