So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
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I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
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I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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