im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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