I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
