dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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