Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
