how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
