i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
