i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
