Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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