Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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