so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
