look no pants
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
