so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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