Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
