If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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