The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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