if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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