Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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