You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
