apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Randomize
