She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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