I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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