I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
