why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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