Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
