if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
