I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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